Spice It Up! Make Scheduled Sex for Conception Fun and Exciting
Published September 26, 2023.
Scheduling sex can sometimes derail our genuine connection with each other and our own bodies. Our sexual experiences reflect our psychosexual nature; sex is who we are. Embracing this daily ensures a more profound connection during intimate moments.
Let's call this "baby-proofing" the relationship. By laying this foundation during the preconception phase, the journey of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood can strengthen your relationship and bring you closer together as a couple.
To help you understand this better, we spoke to Ivy Joeva—fertility coach, doula, and birth educator. She provides insight into how to make sex fun while trying to conceive.
Emphasizing Love and Connection
If you're on a fertility journey and have been working hard to time your intercourse precisely, it can be frustrating to hear this, but overfocusing on ovulation day may not be the best approach.
"The truth is the ovulation window isn't just one day; it spans almost a week."
Prioritize lovemaking over baby making—it'll bring you closer together. Get rid of the pressure and obligation and just have a lot of great sex.
Every thought you have and every sensation you feel plays a role in your intimate connections. When both partners can genuinely enjoy and express themselves, it naturally boosts relaxation and balances hormones, which can actually improve your conception efficiency.
Expanding the Definition of Sex for a Fulfilling Sex Life
To truly enjoy a fulfilling intimate life at any phase, we need to expand our understanding of sex, especially considering the physical transformations our bodies experience before, during, and after pregnancy.
"So, I like to think of variety in terms of our five senses. Consider how you can engage and stimulate touch, smell, sight, and other senses inside and outside the bedroom."
We often forget that the throat is connected to the genitals through the vagus nerve. This nerve, activated by our vocal cords, plays a role in our body's arousal during intimate moments. It can help calm your central nervous system, allowing you to relax, feel desire, and fully enjoy intimacy.
Being mindful of your voice's quality, not only in how it sounds but also in how it feels when speaking to your partner, can be a unique way to enhance connection. This may seem unconventional, but it can help you tap into one of your senses.
Does Sex Feel Different When Ovulating?
Yes, sex can feel different during ovulation. In this phase, you have more cervical mucus, which is not the same as arousal fluid, but it can make everything feel more lubricated. The cervix also moves up into the body to allow for deeper penetration.
Understanding Performance Anxiety During Ovulation
It's disheartening that lovemaking can feel like a performance. We should focus on the emotional bond with our sexuality and our partners. From a tantric perspective, this connection allows us to explore our orgasmic potential and enhance our enjoyment of sex, breaking through any possible barriers.
If one partner feels pressured to "perform" and the other is stressed about conceiving, we've really lost the essence of what it is to come together in sexual union.
Sex isn't just about positions or tricks. Real intimacy is about love, understanding, patience, and truly seeing each other in your deepest, most naked selves. To get that back, especially in long-term relationships, both partners need to feel safe and understood.
Navigating the Complexity of Parenthood
Being in a relationship and thinking about having kids often involves multiple layers of emotions. While couples may initially express a shared desire to have a baby, they may have underlying fears and concerns about money, health, or how others will see them.
The transformative nature of becoming parents or expanding one's family requires honest introspection and open communication. This includes:
- Considering all your feelings and thoughts when thinking about having a child
- Creating a safe space for open communication and mutual understanding
- Recognizing that unconscious fears or reservations may manifest in the body or through sexuality
- Exploring each other's deepest feelings so you don't leave parts of yourself or your partner behind
This process requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to create space for both partners to fully engage in the journey of parenthood.
"It may sound counterintuitive, especially when both of you really want a baby, but you need to prioritize your relationship and lovemaking."
Talking about our sexual desires can make us feel vulnerable, especially if we're afraid of being judged, rejected, or shamed.
Honesty is a two-way street. It involves sharing our desires and listening to our partner's needs. If our partner wants something we're not comfortable with, we shouldn't get upset. Instead, we should try to understand and support them.
Pay Close Attention to Your Fertility Signs
Relying solely on the luteinizing hormone (LH) surge detected by ovulation predictor kits may not be accurate for everyone.
"In my practice, I emphasize the importance of becoming familiar with the signs of ovulation in your body. Pay attention to what your cervical mucus looks like during your fertile phase. This will help you identify the days leading up to ovulation."
While prioritizing genuine connection in relationships can enhance intimacy, using fertility trackers like Tempdrop can provide a comprehensive view of your fertility cycle, making scheduled intimacy fun and informative.
